Sorry I have been MIA lately from this blog. It’s been a rough years end.
If you know me, you know that we mscarried at 7 weeks, aprox. 2 weeks ago. It has been much harder on us than we initially thought it would be. It was painful at first physically, then we felt sad and confused and shocked, then we felt lucky and blessed that it didn’t happen later in pregnancy, then I felt angry. Now, I just feel a little empty.
The weirdest part is that I was pregnant 2 weeks ago and now I am NOT. All the pregnancy symptoms started easing up and are now gone completley. I am sure that the way I feel is nothing out of the ordinary for this type of situation, however it is very new to me. I know many people have gone through this and then have 5 kids after, so I am looking forward to the future for sure. I am still having to go to the doctor for blood work every week until my HCG levels go back to zero so I can’t exactly “get over” it untill I am finished with it and cleared as healthy. I was at 14 HCG last Monday, so hopefully next Tuesday will be the last time I have to go.
I was leaning on faith and thinking that I was doing pretty well at handling my emotions up until a few days ago and then I suddenly started feeling so depressed! I didn’t get out of bed for 3 days. I cried every few hours. My husband could only do so much in terms of comforting me because nothing really did. He was really patient with me considering that he had lost just as much as I did and he talked about it with me when I was ready. I ♥ him.
Yesterday was the first day I finally felt like getting up, taking care of myself and getting back to the grind. I got up, took a shower, made the bed, put decent clothes on (not sweats or pj’s), put makeup on, cleaned up the house a little, resumed my billing work for my Dad then got out of the house for some Christmas shopping. Jonathan took me to Starbucks where I got a Salted Caramel Mocha my absolute fave!! What a nice treat and a pick me up! We shopped for gifts for family. Jonathan’s present to me was buying me new Nike running shoes. I love them!! We ate dinner at Panera and did tons of window shopping. It was honestly the best day I have had in a while.
I am trying to learn from this experience and grow from it. I am not a new Christian by any means and I definitley know that I have lots of room to grow stronger in my faith. I sincerely wish that I could have handled this better but just when I thought I was over the worst of it, I fell into a deep pit of despair. I definitley feel stronger for having gone through this and I honestly think our marriage is stronger too.
Well, it’s Christmas and suppose to be a happy time, so from this day forward I am moving on and past the despair. Things are getting better already. I wrapped presents this morning and am about to decorate the house. Better late than never right? 🙂
Today I am thankful for all that I have and am praying for all the people out there who are going through the same thing or worse. My sister’s friend lost her mother to cancer a week ago, so I am thinking about them right now. I know I am blessed in so many ways and I am going to focus on that instead of what I don’t have.
My next move is to get healthy in the New Year. I got my new running shoes so I am about to go for a walk, maybe even a jog. =) Not sure I am ready to run just yet but I will get there.
Here’s wishing you a blessed and very Merry Christmas!! May you be surrounded by those you love and may your heart be filled with gladness. HE is the REASON for the Season!! Happy Birthday Jesus!! Thank you for dying on the cross for our sins so that we may have life eternal!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
I leave you with a cute pic of a cat drinking something foamy. 🙂
p.s. Spellcheck isn’t working right now so I aplogize if there are spelling errors. I am not the spelling bee champ I used to be anymore. 🙂 It all went out the window with the wind!